Joe Biden Considering Barron Trump For Attorney General

President-elect Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. is reportedly considering Donald Trump's youngest son Barron for the role of Attorney General in his administration. According to the anonymous sources, the move is meant to appease some of the more hardcore Trump supporters, many of whom refuse to believe Biden won the election, alleging widespread voter fraud. Biden is said to believe having a Trump in his administration will 'heal the wounds that divide this great country'.

Appointing Barron, who turns 15 in March, would be an unprecedented move for an incoming president. Never before has a president appointed a minor to a major cabinet role, let alone the child of the outgoing president. If appointed and confirmed by the senate, Barron would take on the role of chief lawyer to the federal government of the United States. According to Wikipedia, the original duties of the Attorney General were "to prosecute and conduct all suits in the Supreme Court in which the United States shall be concerned, and to give his advice and opinion upon questions of law when required by the president of the United States...". 

The Trump administration saw two Attorney Generals, Jeff Sessions of Alabama and William Barr of New York. Sessions' relationship with Trump bittered throughout 2018 as a result of investigations into Russian interference in the 2016 election, and Sessions' recusal from that investigation causing increasing aggro between the two septuagenarians. Barr's 2nd term as AG will mainly be remembered for 'The Barr letter', an extremely sparse redaction of the Mueller report into interference in the 2016 election, criticized by some as an over-simplified piece of partisan propaganda.  

If appointed, Barron Trump will likely have a lot on his plate. His father is reportedly considering appointing a special counsel to look into Joe Biden's son, Hunter Biden and allegations of tax fraud. Such a move would cause particular awkwardness for the incoming president and Attorney General. Biden's strategy in appointing Barron to this role is potentially to show impartiality and a bi-partisan approach to justice. Trump the younger would soon have to sink his teeth into a considerably rocky political balancing act, loyalty to the president and loyalty to his father's smear campaign.

President-Elect Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.

A source close to Barron Trump told News, News, News, News that he secretly relishes the thought of holding such massive power. "Barron has spent four years living in the shadow not only of his father, but also his two older half-brothers and half-sister (not Tiffany), he hides it well, but he's a a shrewd and tactful political operator who will strangle his enemies into submission without them even knowing. The guy's a beast, White House staff call him 'Trump Volpone' ('sly fox' in English) due to his wily, manipulative, charming nature."

Several progressive US political figures are outraged by the rumour, which is yet to be addressed by Biden's transition team. Kyle Kulinski, host of 'Secular Talk' said he felt 'physically ill' when he heard Biden was considering such an appointment. Tape Jacker, a news anchor for CNSBCSNSNSNSNBCNCNCN Morning Cuppa With Joel and Ferrari Crystals thinks the story is "a flat out lie! I know Biden, I went to his wedding, he would not appoint a kid to a cabinet role."

But right-wing radio commentator Alex Shaffer, Lord Protector of Breitbart News claims to have read an email sent by the Biden team explaining what they were looking for in an AG. "Basically the email says Biden wants to appoint a member of the Trump family, he thought Eric was too stupid, Don Jr. was too busy writing another book to follow the critically-acclaimed 'Triggered: How the Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence us' and Ivanka was too attractive, which would distract Biden like it's distracted Trump. As for Tiffany, the email just contained around 50 'crying with laughter emojis', so Barron it is". 

Analysis: Keith Brown (from the theatre desk)

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It certainly isn't everyday that you hear a president is considering appointing a child as their chief lawyer. But these are unprecedented times. This article is certainly nonsense, but is it good nonsense? Well, it's middling.

The writer opens solidly in the first few paragraphs, the characters are introduced: Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. a near 80 year old man who's just been elected president, succeeding an autocratic, hugely divisive figure known as Donald Trump. Trump's son Barron is the central character in the piece, a 14 year old blank canvas who is largely ignored by the other characters. The journalist in the piece claims he's read sources that indicate Barron might be chosen as the next Attorney General of the United States. Although an intriguing premise, this particular event seems so far-fetched, it was hard to be properly invested whilst watching it. 

But what the writer does do well is build sympathy for Barron and his political ambitions. There is a scene where several White House staff congregate and talk about Barron and his character. One of them calls him 'Trump Volpone' which is clearly meant to be a reference to Elizabethan dramatist Ben Jonson's 1605 play 'Volpone'. It's obvious the writer wishes the audience to admire the breadth of his reading, but it just comes across as arrogant, he probably hasn't read all that much, the pseudo-intellectual fuckwit.

Henry Goodman in the title role of 'Volpone', RSC Swan Theatre, 2015. This writer misses theatre and is fucking bored of politics.

All in all, the play is a success, but probably won't transfer to the West End anytime soon. Not even COVID itself would want to watch this. The lighting is a particular strong point, mesmeric and tranquil. A sapphire blue hue is projected onto a backdrop of Washington D.C in the early scenes. Later that blue turns to a fiery red as tensions simmer in the oval office. Jenny Bassett's costumes are regal and intricate, fit for the proudest statesman. One can imagine Pete Buttigieg wearing them sitting at a fake resolute desk listening to his own audio book with his hands down his pants in some funhouse mirrors. Barron wears a toga in some scenes whilst Donald Trump Jr. wears a white pointy conical hat. 

If you were expecting some drab, boring political analysis, I apologize. I'm a theatre critic first and foremost. Due to the News, News, News, News staff shortage, i've been forced to cover all sections of the publication, next week i'll be doing horoscopes, women's sex tips, 10 Origami tips to get creative this Christmas, FTSE 2020: a year in review & The Obituaries: COVID-19 Extravaganza!