Amidst the media furore surrounding Meghan and Prince Harry's explosive interview with Oprah Winfrey late last month, another royal couple were also planning to cause quite the stir. News, News, News, News can exclusively reveal that Princess Eugenie, daughter of Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson, and her relatively new husband Jack Brooksbank, also gave a prime time interview with Winfrey in the US last month.
The reason you, the reader, probably knew nothing about this interview is down to the fact that NNNN is the first major news source to report it. The reason for this remains unclear, although there are murmurs that many of the major newspapers around the world deemed Jack and Eugenie less bankable than Meghan and Harry, therefore refusing to cover their interview.
NNNN's royal correspondent Lurpac De Moine received this bombshell-adjacent news when one of Brooksbank's representatives phoned him to ask why people weren't talking about their interview. De Moine was utterly aghast and confused, "Well, I hadn't heard about it. I was busy looking through Meghan's second cousin once-removed's garbage cans in Cancun looking for potential material for a story, I wasn't paying attention to the minor royals, who is? Perverts, obsessed fans, pedants & satirists, no one serious."
De Moine was then told by the minor royal's representatives to inform the higher powers at NNNN, and after the editor returned from their annual trip to Bohemian Grove, permission was given to write this exclusive article.
"I just cannot believe such a huge news story would pass by unnoticed" De Moine told us, "I realise Meghan and Harry are obviously going to be the centre of attention, or 'center' of attention, as Meghan would say (blasted Yanks). But still, no matter how obscure Jack and Eugenie are, them giving a soul-searching, explosive, controversy-laden interview with Oprah Winfrey is pretty important news. Even Piers Morgan didn't tweet about it, that must have been a real slap in the face for the couple, Morgan has his finger on the pulse of the average Brit more than any other media figure".
In the interview, which is available online, albeit after a taxing, hour-long search, Jack and Eugenie describe the appalling racism they encountered on a grouse-hunting trip with a certain 'senior member' of the Royal family.
"This 'member' shot a grouse from out the sky" recalled Eugenie, "then leant over to me and said "It's a shame, my girl, that these blackamoors and Chinamen cannot fly, otherwise we'd be able to shoot them instead of the birds!"
"He also took my husband aside on Christmas eve and took him to a secret room in Balmoral where he keeps all kinds of racist memorabilia such as a Lord Haw-Haw scarecrow, an Oswald Mosley tea cosy, a trombone with Enoch Powell's Rivers of Blood speech inscribed on the horn, a Strom Thurmond mini-fridge packed with mini chocolate Klan hats, a fairground fortune teller machine with Joseph Goebbels spouting Nazi propaganda for 1d, a Tommy Robinson windbreaker, an ice sculpture of Liam Neeson attacking a black man, Katie Hopkins yoga mats, extra strong apartheid mints, a model of the Lincoln Memorial but with Robert E. Lee, a dozen live 1970s-era skinhead football hooligans and Donald Trump Jr.'s book 'Triggered: How the Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence Us".
"My husband was traumatised by what he saw and immediately told me that he wanted to leave. We then felt completely ashamed and confused and angry, but most of all, scared. How could we stand up to this? It's the British royal family, 'the firm', 'the Windsor Headhunters', one cannot simply leave this family but this is what we decided to do. Turns out Meghan and Harry got there first."
The couple decided to contact Winfrey as they needed an experienced and compassionate interviewer more than anything else, and Piers Morgan was too busy tweeting about Meghan Markle's perceived vanity.
"Oprah was amazing! She agreed to interview us, but did not tell us that she was also interviewing Harry and Meghan. We thought we'd cause quite an intense national conversation, so it was quite a shock when no major newspaper covered our interview".
De Moine, who is still being inundated by calls from the tabloids asking about the Queen's state of mind, is indifferent to the minor royals' interview, "Look, British Royalists/Conservatives only have a limited reserve of spite and anger, most of that was directed at Meghan and Harry. Throw Eugenie and Brooksbank into the mix, it becomes almost an overload of treason. A lot of bad stuff can happen and slip under the radar when ordinary folk are up in arms about something completely irrelevant. Matt Hancock, anyone?"
 |
| Britain's reaction to the Meghan and Harry interview is said to expose generational divides between older royalists, who favour tradition, subordination and the Queen, and younger roundheads, who are capable of empathy and understand what racism is. |
The interview was broadcast on Howard Hughes' little known network the Hughes Network in the US, but the programme gained only 300 viewers, mainly due to the fact that the Hughes Network is only available in a small fishing community in Alaska. Bill Hughes, a local fisherman in Nor'easterville, Alaska, shared his thoughts on the programme with NNNN.
"Well, I'd just caught a 20Ib pike, so anything else that happened that day was guaranteed to be anti-climactic. Look, Mr Newspaperman, we don't get much television round these parts, and we consider that a good thing. We work and toil and fish and struggle and sweat every day, then this young, rich British couple are shown on our screens all made-up and looking a billion dollars, excuse us if we don't give a damn about it. Though I will say this, that Prince Phillip sounds like a racist moron, and you just know it's Phillip, don't you? 'Senior member' my ass, it's definitely Phillip. But other than that, we don't care, now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make love to my wife, I caught a 20Ib Halibut earlier, that son of a bitch has made my year, so you betcha' i'm celebrating".
NNNN asked Buckingham Palace for comment, but only received a voicemail advertising Prince Andrew's Hampton Court Palace laser tag tournament hosted by Lucy Worsley.
No comments:
Post a Comment