The phrase itself is uttered by the majority of British people when the temperature exceeds 18 degrees and is widely-considered to be a handy conversation starter for people who have little to say to each other and have a general contempt for humanity.
A recent report by the ICSTAESP (Institute for Conversation and Small Talk Amongst English Speaking Peoples) found that people are more likely to start conversations if the weather is noticeably colder or hotter than average, and that mentioning the weather acts as a sort of social lubricant, or icebreaker. Professor Jayne Natter of Sheffield Hallam University spent a year observing how people initiate conversation by standing at bus stops.
"I'd say I did at least 2,000 bus stops, spread across the country, avoiding the shithole towns, of course! I found it's usually older people who glance around them, looking for someone to engage with, then they'll casually say "it's hot, isn't it?", almost like pitching a fishing rod into a lake to see who'll respond."
Natter noticed that as soon as the phrase was uttered, everyone at the bus stop seemed to noticeably relax and seem more at ease with being around strangers and people of different social classes, races and ages.
"I'd liken it to an incantation, or a spell being cast if I was a hippy, spiritual fruitcake and not a woman of science and hard facts, which is what I am. It had a lubricating effect, and a ripple effect, people were glad someone pointed out how hot it is, perhaps the act of someone pointing out the obvious empowered the more reticent bus stop-dwellers to share their relative discomfort at the weather too. It's possible the people who say the phrase "It's hot, isn't it?" are knowingly fomenting revolution."
Natter's study caught the eye of ministers and the intelligence services who perceived the phrase to carry "subversive and malicious" intent, claiming it could be used to incite widespread social unrest and eventually violent revolution.
A spokesperson for the government told NNNN: "We believe the phrase is being used by so-called activists to incite terrorism and overthrow His Majesty's government. Anyone who uses this phrase should expect a harsh response from police and anti-terrorism units. We realise some people may believe the phrase "It's hot, isn't it?" to be rather innocuous, but I can assure you it's a slippery slope and it's best to nip these people in the bud before they become hardened terrorists."
The ban has already led to over 10 million people being arrested on the streets of Britain. Those detained are disproportionately people above 65, most claiming they were unaware of the ban and were merely commenting on the recent heatwave.
Gerald Thwaites, an 83 year old retired horticulturalist from Epsom, Surrey was arrested by 4 police officers whilst watering the pansies in his front garden.
"It took me by surprise, as you can imagine! Four police officers strolled up to me, asked my name, then tackled me to the ground and said you're under arrest for inciting terrorism! Funny the things you prioritise when you're being attacked, I wasn't thinking about myself, my wife, and certainly not my grandchildren, but my pansies and who'd water them if I'm gone! Thankfully my wife was inside and she'd never say "it's hot, isn't it?" because she's from Egypt, you see? So this weather's mild for her. One of life's silver linings, I suppose. I hope I get to see her again".
Leading right-wing figures have blamed the ban on "woke, leftie, PC warriors who want to erode free speech" whilst also praising the government for cracking down on "woke climate warriors who want us all to have woke solar panels, ride woke bikes and eat fucking woke tofu stuffed with woke kale and woke avocado".
Leading left-wing figures also responded to the ban, but we here at NNNN would like to say a massive thank you to BNP Paribas for being ever so generous with the summer party and silent disco they threw for our employees last week on a rooftop in South Kensington. A boozy time was had by all. Long live BNP Paribas!
